For I Know the Plans I Have For You by Anne Paolucci

““For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord” Jeremiah 29:11”

My name is Anne Paolucci – I am a mom of 4 beautiful girls, a wife to a GySgt in the Marine Corps, I am a special education teacher, and I am a planner. I like structure, systems, and control. This all came about when I was very young. I was raised in the Catholic faith and growing up in the Catholic church has always held a huge place in my life. My father was in the Army and we grew up with the phrase “If you are early you are on time and if you are on time you are late.” We were always at least 20 minutes early to mass each week. I was never late with my assignments in school – being late stresses me out – always has and probably always will. I used to have planned routes when I walked to my classes in school and my locker combo written down in at least 2 places in case I forgot it. Structures, routines, and planning drive my life.

At my parish in Kansas City, we got confirmed in 8th grade and it was one of the worst days of my life. I was in my second period class – math – and I got called to the office. I was told I needed to call my aunt – she is my God Mother and my confirmation sponsor. She was supposed to be driving in that day for my confirmation. When I called her, I could hear she was upset. She told me my Uncle Tom’s mother had died and she needed to stay on the farm. She felt bad, but she needed to miss my confirmation. I processed that slowly – I was upset but I was not about to go to mass that night without someone standing with me…was that even allowed? I certainly was not going to have my parents stand there with me…I walked back to class and when the bell rang, I waited until everyone left the classroom. I went up to my math teacher, who was a member of our parish, and asked if she would stand in for my aunt and be at confirmation mass that evening with me. She said yes – asked what time mass was and I promptly left the classroom for social studies – after all I couldn’t be late for class.

As I walked into social studies class, I noticed my friend, Dionna, wasn’t in her desk which was in front of mine – that was odd. Dionna and I grew up together; she lived 2 houses down from us until about 2 years prior and we used to do everything together. Her family was like my second family. Groups of people were quietly talking in parts of the room, and the teacher was standing in the hallway with other teachers; it should have been my clue that something was off, but I did not notice. I set my bag down, turned to a group of friends, and asked where Dionna was. They said her mom died. I don’t remember much of the rest of the day – I know I left class, I know my parents were called, I know I was crying. I later learned that her mom had died from cancer – she had been battling it for a while. I remember as I laid on my bed my dad came into the room and told me I had a choice – I did not need to be confirmed that night. I didn’t realize it was a choice – both of my parents were very active in our parish, we ran bible studies in our home, did VBS, my mom worked in the parish office and my dad ran the trainings for servers, eucharist ministers, and sacristans. I just figured confirmation was expected of me, but here was my dad giving me a choice.

I walked in the church that evening and my math teacher was there waiting for me. She gave me a big hug and then handed me a dozen roses. She did not know my confirmation saint was St Terese the Little Flower – one of her miracles is the scent of roses to people in distress.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord” Jeremiah 29:11

In high school I was an athlete. I spent a lot of time at the track and running. I got good grades and was offered full rides to D1 colleges. I knew I wanted to go to college and be a special education teacher and so I was focused on schools that would help me along with my plan. My aunt was dying from cancer and told me she wanted me to go visit her alma mater – Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. I had offers from KU, Emporia State, and others…but I went one day to visit because I knew it would make her happy. I spoke with the track coach; they didn’t have a big team, they offered me less than half what the other schools were going to give me, and it was easily $10,000 more a year than the other colleges. I could double major, but it would take me 5 years instead of 4 and the town of Atchison was tiny and smelled. (There is a grain plant downtown and the whole town smelled.) My aunt was so happy showing me around that day; we went to her favorite spots on campus, visited with a monk at the abbey, and had ice cream – her favorite thing to eat. When I left campus that day – I was at peace. I became a Benedictine Raven that fall. Over the next 4 years I met my best friends, had my heart broken by boys, I ran track for 2 years, I got that double major (Elementary and Special Education) and I met my husband. God knew what I needed even though I did not.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord” Jeremiah 29:11

In our first year of marriage, we moved to Hawaii with the Marine Corps. We had our oldest daughter, Regina, and Leilani was born 16 months later. I was a young mom with a husband that was often gone, and my planning worked in my favor. I could keep a house running, we were thousands of miles away from family, I was working on and off in education, and I was raising our girls. We moved to California after 3 years in Hawaii. Jake, my husband, did a 7- month deployment, came home for a few months and then left for another 6-month deployment. In California I decided being a stay-at-home mom was not for me. I went to work and had the kids in daycare. We got pregnant and then lost our baby after only 12 weeks – I was broken. I quit my job to stay home, Jake was gone again so I focused on homeschooling our oldest while he was in Afghanistan. We found out again I was pregnant, and I was terrified. My sister called me, I think she was in Washington DC at the time, and she told me everything was going to be ok with this pregnancy. She is a nun with the order Servants of the Lord – I joked she had a direct line to God, so I stayed optimistic but still scared. Madison Gianna was born 5 months before we moved to Okinawa, Japan.

We were in Japan for almost 3 years – I loved every minute of it. The experiences my girls were having, the Japanese culture, every single bit of Japan I loved. Jake was sent back to the United States for training for 2 months; we knew a move was coming but I did not want to move. I was asked to work again, and I had a 2 nd grade classroom. Madison had grown up in Japan so we were considering the opportunity for her to start school off base at a Japanese school. I was exploring the option of getting off my husband’s orders and getting my own. About 2 weeks before Jake was due home he called me – we had been given the assignment of Wasilla, Alaska. If you said I was mad that was an understatement – I screamed, I yelled, I broke a plate on my kitchen floor. We had so many good things in Japan, why this move, why so far away from the country I loved, and it was the dead of winter. I was mad at God – I had a plan and this was not it.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord” Jeremiah 29:11

So we packed up the house, 3 kids, and a dog. It was Christmas time, we bought a house after seeing it on Facetime call, and left Japan 3 weeks after Jake got home. I finally gave in to God’s plan – still wasn’t happy about it but I gave in. We have been in Alaska for 5 years now. After recruiting duty Jake was able to transfer to JBER and I got a job 2 minutes from our house. The girls got into the school I wanted them too and even when COVID hit we were happy. I decided to leave the classroom almost 2 years ago and moved into leadership – it was part of my plan, but I was finally beginning to realize it was really His plan. In November of 2021 God reminded me again that it is His plan. I was going to start my admin degree at the start of the new year, Jake had just moved over to working on base, the girls were in a good place, and I was pregnant again – this time though with an 86% chance of the baby having Down Syndrome. With my background in special education, I wasn’t a worried, we told our families and I faked being happy for a few months. I finally broke, asked Fr. Arthur, our parish priest, for a blessing over the pregnancy and grieved having a “typical child.” I had to run difficult IEP meetings, deal with tired stressed out sped teachers, and try to give our girls my full attention with the uncertainty of if our baby was going to be ok. It was hard but I finally recognized that Jesus was in control. Emma Quinn would come into our lives – maybe early like her sisters, and maybe with Down syndrome and maybe not. No matter what we are ready to love her.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord” Jeremiah 29:11

ABOUT ANNE PAOLUCCI: Anne Paolucci is a mom of 4 beautiful girls, a wife to a GySgt in the Marine Corps, a special education teacher, and I am a planner. Structure, systems, and control rule her life. Her journey through life being a Catholic has made her realize she isn't the one with the ultimate control or master plan.